<3 Broken <3

I feel empty inside today. i don't feel i should be existing. Everything seems to go wrong and i feel that i mess peoples lives up by being a part of it. Maybe if i would have never been born everyones life would be better off. All I do is mess things up for people. Everyone has been treating me like a dog telling me to shut up and do this and do that and order me around. I'M TIRED OF IT..... I don't know what to do, i want to die right now.It dont matter no more, i'm struggleing in school, I don't think i'm gonna make it, if i don't i have no future, so what's the point in living? Can't somebody tell me? I cry every night now because i'm no longer happy. I try to put on a show and act happy around others but i just can't anymore,I'M TIRED OF LIVING A LIE!!!! This may be my last post..... i don't know. I don't think i'll ever be truly happy,i'm broken and i don't think i'll ever be fixed. My friends cheer me up, but i still feel dead deep inside.I need help,I'm so frekin depressed,like i'm in a hole i'll never get out of, and don't know weather to Try or just trow in the fuckin towel!! I've been wondering alot lately,probally coming from depression, Is my life even worth saving?I guess besides dying the olny alternitive is to pray for it to get better,I hope he'll or she'll (what the hell do I know, I'm stupid remember) listen to me. Oh and steph thank you so much for the banner and putting it up.

Wipe that smile off you're fuckin face!!

It's been ok lately, i cant complain much.But still.... My fucking asshole cousin came back to my house,i wish i could kill him for hurting my mother. But being a kid i gotta shut my mouth and deal with it. I hate not being able to speak my fuckin mind, this blog is probally the olny other place besides school, and i still can't say what i want there. anyway i've been busy as hell with homework,practicing gutair, and a whole bunch of other shit. Dealing with all this shit i've felt so tired lately. I feel old and alone sometime and i don't know what to do, i feel like leaving this world at times but i've learned to deal, even if i have to let it out by crying or on this blog, at least it's getting out. I never really have a minute to my damn self anymore. Well This week i got a sleep over to go to and a 3 day trip to go on. So yea my "me time" is limited. Anyway these 2 guys like me at school and i don't know what to do, with all this shit going on i don't know if i can deal at the moment. Oh god i need help i feel like i'm slowly dying inside, everybody's always fighting and i feel i'm the cause of it. Maybe i should just leave and never come back, fuck it all!! But i can't, i just cant. my friends are what help me hang onto my exsistence, my sanity, and even that's starting to fail. This place is the olny place i feel i can express myself and i'm glad i got this shit out but it'll never go away, the dark feeling i feel right now. I feel broken in different peices at the moment, will i ever put them back together?or am i another lost cause....