Let Me Go

Well finally i've gotten the chance to post alot has happend since the last time i posted, but here it is to sum it up: 1.i got kicked out og gutair lessons so i've been learning on my own. 2.My asshole cousin george is back in the house because my mother was dumb enough to let him back in. 3. I got a crush on this kid at school named patrick,but he says he has a girlfriend, i've had class with him since the begining of the school year but i'm just now realizing that i like him. 3. Me,Steph,and Jesse no longer have any classes together(i wish the stupid school to rot in hell) 4.i went over stephs house for a sleepover for her b-day and had tons of fun. 5.went over jesses for her b-day, had lotsa fun, and a BON-FIYA!!! 6. spanish teacher is bein a bitch and not giving me the work that i miss from going to votech,i asked nicely and she says" no you no do it you get a cero." I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKIN' WORK!!!! AND LEARN HOW TO SPEAK BETTER ENGLISH YOU FUCKIN BITCH!!!! (sorry for snapping, i mean no offence against spanish people, olny her,sorry if i offend anyone else)..... but anyway, yeah alota shit is happening that i gotta deal with, but hopefully i'll make it through. I gotta go for now i'll try to post more later.

Everyones A Critic

My life is in the fuckin shitter right now,i feel like everybody hates me. I mean am i that bad a person?What did i do to be treated like shit? Well i don't care anymore... anyways today was pretty good, I went to gutair lessons and saw stephanie,1 of the very few people that are close to me and keep me living, the gutair teachers dog elvis sat on my purse and made it weirdly warm and his other dog farted while i was trying to play wich totally threw me off, then i hear pete screaming and i'm like ah fuck my brain is all off course now. Later i went out to eat with my mom,dad, and a friend of the family named doug, we wr went to Denys to eat and then to Dairy Queen after, then we came home and i hung with my parents for a little while befor coming on the computer. My ass hole cousin keeps blasting his T.V while i try to sleep and don't listen to mee when i assk him, but when my dad goes down and tells him he listens...wtf, i'm shit? anyway, me, Steph, and Jesse are hopefully going to the movies this week and then i'm going to visit my other bff (besides Steph,Jesse,and Elias) deja in orange,i really want her to meet Steph,Jess,and Elias, i think they'd get along great, they've already talked on the phone but that was a long time ago. I really want to see the simpsons move, it looks funny, i got spider pig stuck in my head for a week...anyways all in all today was alright.

i don't feel like living anymore.

I missed gutair practice again this weekend, i have a feeling that stephanies parents will talk about me again, they just don't know whats going on right now. I never have any time to myself anymore, i'm always helping someone else,making them happy, even if it makes me miserable. I don't care anymore. I just wanna die, that's all, WHY WON'T MY SHITTY LIFE END!!! it's just not worth it anymore, i've been tring to do all this stuff, deal with the shit i live in at home, and keep up in school.Tring to keep my head above water, i just can't do it anymore I'm drowning.And now my gutair teacher want's 40 dollars now for me to keep playing, i don't have the money right now. my family is in a rut. i just can't take anymore, i can't. i've been contimplating on commiting suicide, i don't know, if things don't get better soon....

Join plz ^-^

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<3 Broken <3

I feel empty inside today. i don't feel i should be existing. Everything seems to go wrong and i feel that i mess peoples lives up by being a part of it. Maybe if i would have never been born everyones life would be better off. All I do is mess things up for people. Everyone has been treating me like a dog telling me to shut up and do this and do that and order me around. I'M TIRED OF IT..... I don't know what to do, i want to die right now.It dont matter no more, i'm struggleing in school, I don't think i'm gonna make it, if i don't i have no future, so what's the point in living? Can't somebody tell me? I cry every night now because i'm no longer happy. I try to put on a show and act happy around others but i just can't anymore,I'M TIRED OF LIVING A LIE!!!! This may be my last post..... i don't know. I don't think i'll ever be truly happy,i'm broken and i don't think i'll ever be fixed. My friends cheer me up, but i still feel dead deep inside.I need help,I'm so frekin depressed,like i'm in a hole i'll never get out of, and don't know weather to Try or just trow in the fuckin towel!! I've been wondering alot lately,probally coming from depression, Is my life even worth saving?I guess besides dying the olny alternitive is to pray for it to get better,I hope he'll or she'll (what the hell do I know, I'm stupid remember) listen to me. Oh and steph thank you so much for the banner and putting it up.

Wipe that smile off you're fuckin face!!

It's been ok lately, i cant complain much.But still.... My fucking asshole cousin came back to my house,i wish i could kill him for hurting my mother. But being a kid i gotta shut my mouth and deal with it. I hate not being able to speak my fuckin mind, this blog is probally the olny other place besides school, and i still can't say what i want there. anyway i've been busy as hell with homework,practicing gutair, and a whole bunch of other shit. Dealing with all this shit i've felt so tired lately. I feel old and alone sometime and i don't know what to do, i feel like leaving this world at times but i've learned to deal, even if i have to let it out by crying or on this blog, at least it's getting out. I never really have a minute to my damn self anymore. Well This week i got a sleep over to go to and a 3 day trip to go on. So yea my "me time" is limited. Anyway these 2 guys like me at school and i don't know what to do, with all this shit going on i don't know if i can deal at the moment. Oh god i need help i feel like i'm slowly dying inside, everybody's always fighting and i feel i'm the cause of it. Maybe i should just leave and never come back, fuck it all!! But i can't, i just cant. my friends are what help me hang onto my exsistence, my sanity, and even that's starting to fail. This place is the olny place i feel i can express myself and i'm glad i got this shit out but it'll never go away, the dark feeling i feel right now. I feel broken in different peices at the moment, will i ever put them back together?or am i another lost cause....

Don't Wake Me Up

I'm tired, i had a long as day to come home and have to clean the damn house. i'm really starting to doubt the meaning of my existance. I've been working my ass of with schoool work, but it don't matter all the teachers are assholes anyway. Yesterday I herd that this dumbass guy jumped in front of a truck around where my friend stephanie lives,i think it's the intersection by her house. Anyways this dickhead kills himself and my dad tells me when he gets home that the truck driver was headed to the warehouse my dad works at, to me that was kinda creepy. On sunday I have to go to gurair practice or i loose my spot, my friends parents think i'm lazy not showin up but i was fuckin' sick, excuse me....... No hard feelings toward steph though, just her dad, i mean he even made fun of the virginia tech incident, which was totally not funny. I know it bad to have hard feeling toward someone and i try to get along , but it's just not working any more. I'm just so tired of every fuckin thing,i wish i could just fade away. I really want to start a band with stephanie and i really want to play the gutair, but my family has shot me down lately telling me it's just another phase, well i'm gonna show them just wait.well i gotta go

School sux but i guess i'll make it

Well..... Havn't been on in a while. I've made this blog to tell the day to day story of my life. Just to start this blog off are a list of my bff's. 1st is steph,jesse,deja, and elias. i have many more but not as close as these guys. To tell you the truth i would take a bullet for these guys that's how close we are. But anyway school's almost over and i'm so goddamn happy i could shit a rainbow(got it from a friend). check out my friend steph's blog http://sugarhighasian.blogspot.com/index.html

Do it now or suffer my wrath. I will shoot you..... ^_^ hehe any way i gotta go soon so this is all i'm gonnna post for now ontil tommorow.....if i'm here.